Science tried to explain why romance between couples fade in time. While there are theories, none have been found to be conclusive. It is widely believed that when romance ends, love ends. Does love ever fade? Is love defined by romance, or should it be the other way around?
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment.
Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction to another person associated with love.
Clearly, romance is a result of love. Do you remember what it was like, how you felt, when starting a new relationship? I went through that phase when I couldn’t get enough of my wife. I think about her all day, and all night. I wanted us to be together, to talk, to hold and touch each other. I wanted to consummate our love all the time. Yet, as the months and the years passed by, romance did fade. Did love fade too?
Science tried to explain why romance occur. During the first 6 to 18 months of a new relationship, there’s an increase of levels of dopamine, testosterone, PEA and norepinephrine. Some of these chemicals are closely related to amphetamines. As a result, couples are ‘addicted’ to each other.
During the so-called ‘honeymoon’ stage, couples discover things about each other, some positive, and some negative. As our bodies begin reducing the ‘addictive’ brain chemicals, whether by natural process and/or influenced by real world events, romance fade.
By this time, there is pressure from work. For couples with children, there is additional pressure in providing and caring for the little ones. Being together most of the time, doing the same things again and again, takes its toll.
Some people feel neglected. Some people feel taken for granted. Feeling emotionally down, some people conclude that there is no love anymore. The romance is gone. You don’t love me anymore. You don’t do (feel in the blank) anymore.
It is important for people in a relationship to understand that when romance is gone, or seemed like it, love remains. If it’s gone, then it wasn’t love to begin with. For a relationship to work, couples have to be selfless, and must be able to see things from the point of view of each other.
Love manifests itself in different ways and forms. I always say love is what it is. Take it for what it is. Love is not what we want it to be. Love cannot be defined by romance.